Religion In The News

Communion Wine Spiked With Viagra

by Elroy Willis -- November 15, 1998


LEWISVILLE, TX (EAP) -- A practical joke took a rather odd turn last Sunday at Kingston Lutheran Church in Lewisville, after someone apparently spiked the communion wine with large doses of Viagra.

"I suspected something was wrong when I noticed many of the men squirming in their seats," said Pastor Larry Barnes. "It was a nice day outside, and at first I thought they were just anxious to get out of here."

"My husband started rubbing my leg in a rather sensual manner," said Mrs. Tom Kerr, longtime member of the church. "He grabbed my hand and put it in his lap. I wasn't sure what to think," she said.

Things took a turn for the worse when 9-year-old Tim Sutter stood up and shouted "Look, my pee pee is stiff just like Mr. Roberts said it would be some day!"

At this point, attention turned to Arthur Roberts of Dallas, TX, daycare director for the church. He reportedly got up and attempted to flee the service, but was stopped by other members near the back of church.

"He fell to the floor and started crying out 'Oh God, what have I done?' over and over," said Leroy Sutter, Tim's uncle.

Roberts then proceeded to give a full confession of his sexual activities with the young Sutter boy. "God should send me to hell for this," he said.

Ron and Ruth Sutter, Tim's parents, are pressing sexual abuse charges against Roberts. "Our son is scarred for life and we intend to make Mr. Roberts pay for what he's done to our son," they said.

"If the God of this church could allow such a thing to happen, then we quite frankly are beginning to wonder what kind of monster he is."

Medical invesigators are trying to figure out what caused the Sutter boy to react to the Viagra, but suspect it's just a case of early maturity.

Several members of the church think that the practical joke was an act of God, and not just one played by some prankster, and that it taught everyone there a valuable lesson.


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All (EAP) news stories are property of Elroy Willis and may not be reproduced without written permission. Contact me at: elroywillis@gmail.com