Voodoo Woman Scares Syrian Soldiers
By Elroy Willis
TADMUR, SYRIA (EAP) -- American soldiers on a covert mission into Syria were scared away from an ancient religious temple in Tadmur today after they confronted a lone woman who appeared to be a witch according to local residents.
"We couldn't really understand what she was saying to us, but she was screaming in a loud voice and waving her arms around like crazy and she had an evil look in her eyes," said several soldiers who were responsible for securing the area around the temple.
After calling in an interpreter to figure out what the woman was screaming about, it was clear that she was trying to cast a curse on the soldiers and the countries they came from.
"She said that if any non-Syrian military forces invade Syria, the wrath of Allah would fall upon the western world and all nations that support it. She even made threats about the firstborn children of any invading forces, saying that they'd die horrible deaths," said Muhammed Ishmael, lead interpreter who admitted that the woman scared him when he was talking to her.
"The hairs on the back of my neck stood up several times," he said.
"We couldn't risk the lives of the firstborn children of our soldiers, so we decided to send in a couple of Apache helicopters to blow up the temple and the woman," said the commander of the American forces in the area.
"She was just too weird and scary for us is what it came down to. Better safe than sorry," he said.
In addition to cursing the firstborn children of any invaders, she also put a curse on any oil that might come from Syria and other surrounding areas in the Middle East.
That was the final straw which caused the death of the woman and the destruction of the temple. It's one thing to curse firstborn children, but cursing oil is just too much according to several military commanders in the area.