I'm Born Again, Get Me Outta Here
by Elroy Willis
NEW YORK CITY(EAP) -- The last of a group of seven born-again Christians was found dead of exposure in a run-down section of New York City yesterday. The group appears to have been part of a new reality TV series in which the participants agreed to sell all of their possessions and live on the streets to preach the Gospel of Jesus.
"God-fearing Christians have been left out of the reality TV hoopla so far, so we decided to put the Lord to the test by sending seven people out onto the streets to live like Jesus did," said Joseph Mantella, producer of the new reality series which was supposed to be picked up by Fox, but has since been cancelled due to the death of all seven participants.
"We thought the Lord would protect and provide for them, but we were wrong," Mantella said.
Things got off to a bad start when three members of the group were mugged and beaten on the very first night of the show. All three died while in intensive care units at a local hospital.
The four remaining members decided to stick it out but all met with one type of misfortune after another, with the final member freezing to death during a recent blizzard which blanketed the area with over two feet of snow and ice.
Had any of the seven survived, the winner would've been the one who saved the most souls by finding non-Christians and converting them to Christianity.
"We had high hopes for the show, but apparently Jesus didn't like what we were doing," Mantella said. "At any time, any of the participants could have left the show and competition by saying `I'm Born Again, get me outta here' but they didn't want to forsake the Lord and they all hung in to the bitter cold end," he said.