Religion In The News

Pope John Paul II Pushes For
Calendar Change

by Elroy Willis

VATICAN CITY (EAP) -- In what could be one of his last attempts to make his mark on the world before he passes away, Pope John Paul II is pushing for a reformation of the Gregorian calendar to fix a problem which has existed for the last 420 years, and has haunted him personally for the last 20 years.

Unknown to many Christians, Jesus couldn't have been born any later than 4BC, which was the year that King Herod died. This fact has been shoved under the rug for centuries, and the aging Pope claims he wants to set things straight before he passes on.

"This has been gnawing on my conscience for twenty years, ever since I first found out about it," he said in a recent interview.

"Pope Gregory was an idiot," claims John Paul. "He didn't know that Jesus was born in 4BC or maybe even 6BC." When he dropped those ten days from October back in 1582, he should've also added four or maybe six years to the calendar."

When asked why he himself didn't know Jesus was born in 4BC or earlier until twenty years ago, the Pope just shrugged his shoulders and said "I just believed what I'd been told."

Two Papal aides report that John Paul came to them back in 1996 claiming that it was really the 2000th birthday of Jesus, but they didn't believe him, and wrote it off as senility on the part of the aging Pope.

"It's time for the Roman Catholic Church to admit its faults and errors, and declare that even I am not infallible, and that even I have no idea why God would allow our calendar to be off by four or more years as it is today."

The Pope is urging the world to change the calendar year to 2006 sometime before the end of the year.

"It would make me very happy to get this mess straightened out before I die," he said. "Pretending that the year 2000 was supposed to be some Jubilee year took its toll on me," Pope John said. "Nothing really spectacular happened, so I have no choice but to consider it a failure."


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