Religion In The News

Mysterious Obelisk Appears in
Downtown Jerusalem Street

by Elroy Willis

JERUSALEM (EAP) -- A strange six-foot-tall obelisk was found in the middle of a downtown Jerusalem street yesterday morning by a taxi-driver who almost ran into it. The obelisk has written on it a message in Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, and Egyptian.

Scholars of these languages all agree that the message says:

"The Fighting Must Stop, There is No Holy Land."

A second portion of the message is written in some unknown language which can't be made sense of.

"We don't know who put the obelisk here, but we think it might have been Allah."

"If it was God, why didn't He include the message in English?"

"If it was G-d, why did He say there's no Holy Land?"

"Why is there no mention of Jesus?"

These are some of the questions running through the minds of the people, both religious and secular, who are trying to figure out the meaning of the obelisk and who might have put it there.

The obelisk was causing traffic jams in the morning, so it was taken off the street and carried away to a local museum for safe keeping and examination.

Theologians, linguists, and etymologists from around the world are being called in to examine the second portion of the message in order to determine what it might say.

"It might just be gibberish or some practical joke being played on us by Satan or some of his minions, but we can't take that chance," was the general opinion of those who've examined the obelisk so far. "We can feel some type of energy emanating from it, speaking to us in a way," they said.

"The idea of peace and the fighting stopping seems like something that makes sense, and the idea that there's really some Holy Land given by the creator of the universe seems to be causing much of the fighting, so maybe the message really did come from God."

"Bring the obelisk back out into the street so we can throw some rocks at it," said a small group of militant Palestinians who think that any god who would tell people to quit fighting was a wimpy god not worthy of worship.

A local group of Christians who feel that the obelisk must be a hoax or lie since it doesn't mention Jesus are in agreement with the Palestinians, and are ready to throw rocks at the obelisk as soon as it's brought back out into the street.

"The obelisk is actually the missing capstone which is mentioned in the Bible," claims the leader of another group of Christians who think the Khufu pyramid in Giza is tied to Jesus somehow.

"Let us take the obelisk and place it on top of the Khufu pyramid to see what might happen," they asked of the caretakers of the obelisk. "It might cause the second part of the message to be revealed to us," they said.

"We can't allow some small insignificant group of Christians to take the obelisk to Egypt, and will only allow people to study it here, in the Holy Land," said the caretakers of the obelisk.


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